Speaking Point: • When it comes to dating and mating, research reveals that we engage in a complex silent language. Men and women are different. Not better or worse, just different. Men use body language to appear big. Women use body language to appear small. Think about how women sit, with their legs crossed and tight. They try to take up as little space as possible. Men do the opposite. They dominate a space. It’s fascinating to go to Starbucks and watch the silent world of dating.
Speaking Point: • So what’s the best way to use nonverbal messages to flirt? Well, for women, Dr. Helen Fisher, author of WHY WE LOVE, suggests what we call the classic 5-part flirt: 1) You catch someone’s eye 2) cock your head to the side 3) raise your eyebrows 4) look down 5) then away It works!
Speaking Point: • Now what about for the fellas? Well, most men have trouble “breaking the ice” when they see a woman they are interested in. The best way to initiate conversation is NOT to use a cheesy line but rather to start with a question or a compliment about something other than her appearance. For example, he might say, “Excuse me, do you know a good place to grab coffee around here?” or “Is that the new iPad? How do you like it so far?” The key is to spark communication in a natural, nonthreatening way.
Speaking Point: • Everyone thinks women talk more than men, and that’s true. But most people don’t realize how wide the gap is. The average man speaks 7,000 words a day. The average women: 22,000 words a day. I said that during one of my workshops and one woman blurted out, “Yeah, that’s because I have to repeat things THREE TIMES before my husband will listen to me!” But the truth is we are socialized VERY differently. Think about the games little boys play, such as football and baseball. These games require few if any words. Whereas the games little girls play—like “House” or “Tea Party” or “School”—are non-stop communication. Again, we’re not better or worse, just entirely different.
Speaking Point: • When it comes to dating and mating, one other area where men and women differ majorly is in their desire for direct eye contact. Women LOVE it. Men avoid it. The reason goes back to men facing their enemies and battle and sitting side by side with their friends. Think of a row of guys sitting at a bar watching the San Diego Chargers game. Women draw intimacy from face-to-face interaction. So, all you guys out there, turn and face her and she will love you for it!