Speaking Point: Before I answer what it means to be masculine, let’s answer the question, “What is femininity?” Femininity is correlated with traits such as soft, gentle and kind. The feminine side of people is the part that can trust and allow others to be present and giving to them. It is correlated with vulnerability.
So- I define masculinity as any action a man can do that will bring out the softness, acceptance, openness and vulnerability of the woman.
What many men perceive as masculine actually shuts down the trust and openness of the woman. For example, a man who is too “tough” to express his feelings actually evokes distrust in his female mate. A man who is too busy making money to listen to his partner evokes hardness and anger as opposed to the feminine traits of gentleness and accepta
Speaking Point: Don’t think you know what truly will open up her heart and desire for you.. As men, we think like men and automatically think that women need what we need. The truth is what we need to feel open to our female partner is usually very different than what she needs to be attracted to us in the long term. Ask her, “What do you need for me the most that would make you feel loved and cherished?”
Speaking Point: Stop looking at your female mate as a nag or a controller. When you see her that way, you are experiencing her as a “mother: or authority and you are the child that has to be compliant or rebellious. Instead, come form your own “inner adult” and see her as a person who has needs or wants. She is not a nag; she just needs you to come through for her and nurture her. She wants to depend on you to a certain degree. That will bring out her femininity; her trust.
Speaking Point: Listen to her. Stop trying to fix or solve her problems. Listening may just be the single most masculine act you can do. Why you may ask? Because it has maximum impact and brings out the trust of your female partner.
Speaking Point: Unlearn the old, obsolete ideas of masculinity. Being dominant brings out distrust, not trust of your female mate which gives you less of what you want. Being passive is not the answer either. Masculinity involves standing up for yourself but not being self absorbed. Your needs are important but no more important than your partner’s.
Speaking Point: Create a habit of thinking about her and how you can make her feel important. Do this contemplating for several minutes every day and then follow through with action. It is not difficult to be romantic. It just takes thought and then speaking or acting in ways that lets her know that she is on your mind.
Speaking Point: Sexually, everything follows the same way as what I have said. Ask for what you want and be interested in what she wants. Her sexual needs are probably different than yours. “Viva la difference!” Soothe yourself if you don’t get to orgasm because she wants to just cuddle. The rewards are coming. A woman who feels cherished and important and listened to, will want to please you sexually. In the long run, you will get more of what you want when you stop insisting on your way. A quote I read comes to mind- “Ask for everything you want and demand nothing.”