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Speaking Point: Attachment/bonding may arise from the production of the hormone oxytocin and that it also bonds mothers and infants. We know that orgasms produce oxytocin. When we feel alone or abandoned, our oxytocin levels are lowered and we experience higher levels of stress.

Speaking Point: Therefore, the ultimate ultimatum is telling a loved one that you will leave them unless they change their behavior. This technique is effective in dealing with infidelity, addiction in a spouse or child, spouse abuse and commitment phobias.

Speaking Point: Studies show that there is infidelity in about 25% of all marriages. But many couples weather an affair and actually improve their relationship. Facing possible separation or divorce can be empowering for couples in this crisis.

Speaking Point: There are four steps involved in the infidelity recovery process and each one involves the willingness to let go of the relationship.

Speaking Point: The four steps are: Confrontation; Looking for evidence of the affair; Presenting the evidence and getting the gory details out in the open; and Entering couples counseling.If these steps are followed, and the affair is ended, the odds are the marriage will not only survive but end up better than ever.

Speaking Point: A similar 4 step process has been shown to be effective in dealing with an addicted spouse or child. The last step in dealing with addicts involves their entering therapy, a 12 step program or both. Family members are encouraged to be in Al-Anon, family therapy or both.

Speaking Point: In spouse abuse, going to a shelter, while being motivated primarily by self-protection, has the added benefit of abandoning the offending partner. If used constructively as part of a counseling program, the fear of loss can bring about radical change in abusers.

Speaking Point: The ultimate ultimatum can be highly effective in turning around commitment-phobic partners, because the fear of loss trumps their other anxieties.

Speaking Point: The Fear of Loss is the most powerful motivation for change in intimate relationships.

Speaking Point: We are mammals and herd animals and are biologically wired for attachment. Losing the bond with a loved one automatically produces strong abandonment fears.