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Speaking Point: Conflicts arise when your Impostors are fighting each other. Our Impostors come from our childhood, or traumatic events. They are the voices that tell us that we’re not good enough and the masks that we wear to protect ourselves. In my Soul Blazing practice, I help couples blaze their Impostors and reconnect with their Authentic Souls and each other.

Speaking Point: Remember, when you’re fighting, it’s your Impostors fighting each other. Your Authentic Souls still connect and love each other which is why you’re still together. It’s when your Impostors run wild that these issues arise. So ask yourself – what work do you need to be doing on yourself to reconnect with your Authentic Soul and blaze your Impostors? When we speak from our Authentic Souls we can’t help but be truthful and loving and honest, and we’ll naturally find ourselves in less conflict with others.

Speaking Point: One thing couples can do is look each other in the eyes before they start arguing and create a signal together that they can use when one person is out of line. It may just mean lowering your voice or setting down instead of pacing everywhere. One thing that my husband and I do is have a hand signal that reminds us that we’re a team. It helps check us, and realize “Oh, wait, we’re working through this together.”

Speaking Point: A client of mine came to see me because he’s always fighting with his spouse. What we discovered, which is a universal problem, is that when people are bored they fight because they don’t have positive drama in their life through being productive. So they fight to be productive and then make up and feel as though they’ve accomplished something. Please, do NOT try this at home! Create that positive drama in your life through other activities like writing, drawing, dancing, creating art and meditating. Your Impostors convince you that you’re boring, so set your Authentic Soul free!

Speaking Point: Make-up sex is generally not a good idea in the middle of an argument because your Sex God(dess) is activated. This means that there’s a deeper issue, possibly with your Wounded Inner Child not getting its needs met. Believe it or not, your Impostors can be fighting each other for attention too! Before letting your Sex God(dess) take over, make sure that you’re resolving the issue at hand and confront it head on. Once that’s worked out, knock yourselves out and let your Sex God(dess) go crazy!

Speaking Point: There are definitely times when refusing to confront an issue can be an act of aggression, this is your Narcissist taking over. Belittling or brushing off someone’s concerns can be a power play. Another possible reason is that your Fixer is taking over. Your Fixer loves helping everyone else out but doesn’t want to take a look at its own life and do the work on itself! Avoiding the issue never makes it go away, you have to blaze these Impostors to get back to your Authentic Soul.

Speaking Point: A good general guide that helps get to the issue to understand that generally a man acts out because he doesn’t feel good enough and a woman acts out because she is afraid of abandonment. When you’re speaking to someone, put the love that you have for their Authentic Soul rather than the Impostor that’s rearing its ugly head when they’re afraid or feeling inadequate.