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Is Tiger Woods’ Sex Addiction a PR Stunt?

By Lisa Haisha

With all the media attention Tiger Woods has received in recent months – from the early stages of the saga to his recent public apology – it’s feasible to wonder whether this was all a PR stunt to gain air time. Of course, we now know that Woods has a serious problem, and his case brings the nature of sex addiction to the public’s forefront once again.

So what exactly is sex addiction? According to psychologists, when someone has a sex addiction, he or she (yes, women can be sex addicts too) becomes consumed by thoughts of sexual activity, to the point that sex becomes the only goal in life. Everything the person does is about getting sex and sexual satisfaction. In fact, the person becomes so preoccupied with sex that everything else in life gets put on the backburner, including relationships, family, jobs, and even the person’s health. That’s when things start to fall apart.

Because of the conservative nature of the United States today, many people think a claim of sex addiction is a convenient excuse for fooling around. Some may even joke that it’s a nice “problem” to have. But therapists say sex addiction is a very real and destructive disorder, and that rehab – much like Woods went through and says he’ll continue to undergo – serves a purpose.

A Self-Imposed Illness

While sex addiction is an illness like all other addictions, it’s a self-imposed illness that keeps people from taking personal responsibility for their actions. Many experts debate whether sex addiction is truly a mental disease or more of a narcissistic indulgence. Some feel it may be in fact part of a manic-depressive, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), or depression condition. Whatever it’s classified as, people who suffer from sex addiction are ultimately trying to fulfill something they don’t have in their life.

Most experts do agree that there are two forms of sex addiction. The first form (and the most prevalent) is the sex addict who wants sex without a relationship. If these people have money, they often engage the services of prostitutes. They make it clear that they’re paying these women not just for sex, but also to keep their mouths shut about the encounter. The addicts in this category don’t want a mistress (or two) or other committed relationship(s) on the side.

The second form of sex addiction – and the form that Woods seems to have – is when the addict is not just addicted to sex, but also to love. Based on what we know about Woods’ case, he appears to be addicted to having people fall in love with him. He seems to crave relationships, which is why he kept the relationships with the women going and didn’t attempt to rid these women from his life.

What makes Woods’ sex addiction so ironic is that he spent many years branding himself as a family man. He let the public and media see him as a good, wholesome, stand-up citizen who somehow found that elusive work/life balance so many people crave. He had a great career and a picture-perfect family. Unfortunately, what was really happening behind the scenes was very different, and he appears to have needed an emotional relationship with many women to feel complete.

The Root of the Problem

What causes a sex addiction to manifest? Most sex addicts have an emotional hole inside that they’re trying to fill. Perhaps they have shame or unresolved trauma from an incident that occurred during childhood.

It’s been public knowledge that Woods’ father Earl pushed him during childhood to be a pro-golfer. When Woods was a mere two-years-old, his father had him on television holing three-foot putts. By age four Woods was hitting 50-yard drives. At age five Woods was featured on the popular television show That’s Incredible! for his golf skills. Not long after that, Earl Woods publicly announced that one day “Tiger would have a bigger impact on the world than Gandhi.”

Talk about pressure at an early age!

As a result, Woods never had a real childhood. There was little if no playing with friends and doing other normal things that kids do. During this time it’s quite possible that Woods never received the love and attention he needed, so now as an adult, he may still be looking for those deep intimate connections.

Deal with the Demons

No matter why someone is suffering from a sex addiction, help is available and treatment does work. One of the first things people must do is address whatever happened during childhood and release any feelings associated with it. A good therapist can help with this stage.

Next, the sex addict needs to think about all the people his or her actions are hurting. This includes the people he or she is sleeping with as well as the people in the person’s life right now – spouse, children, friends, business partners, etc. While many people may joke that a sex addiction is a “fun” addiction, it’s actually a very dangerous, self-created illness. No, it’s not just good fun with two consenting adults having sex. It’s hurting many people. In fact, once someone’s sex addiction is discovered, the addict usually does admit to knowing how much he or she is hurting others.

Like all addictions, a sex addiction is a cry for help. Something happened in the person’s past and he or she isn’t taking the time to deal with it. Instead, they’re acting out in a destructive way. No matter how bad things seem, know that a sex addiction can be treated and people can learn to live a more normal life.

The Great Comeback?

So, will Woods ever come back to the celebrity status he once was? Or has his sex addiction killed his career? After all, he’s lost many endorsement deals and is no longer touring.

Being a male, Woods does get a little more leeway here. While it’s unfair, female sex addicts typically get viewed as worthless whores while men get regaled as troubled studs. The media and public will be more forgiving, especially if Woods and his wife can work it out and stay together.

To his credit, Woods did his rehab, made a public apology, and will continue rehab. While he will one day go back to golf, he’s not going to hide behind his golf clubs right away. So if he really takes his recovery seriously, stays disciplined, and lives up to his public apology message, he can come back…bigger and better than ever.

Even though the past few months have surely been painful for Woods (and the coming months and years may be grueling for him too), in the end he could come out of this saga more successful, more loved, and more revered than ever. People will root for him because Americans love underdogs. Some many even say that we love to lift people up, knock them down, and see them come back again. So in that respect, once the dust has settled and memories have faded, coming clean and ‘fessing up could indeed turn out to be one of the best PR moves in Woods’ career.

www.Huffingtonpost.com

3/9/2010 3:59:55 PM

How to Blaze Your Own Soul?

How to Blaze Your Own Soul

By Lisa Haisha

With all the challenges in today’s world, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and confused. Corporate scandals…rising home foreclosure rates…high unemployment…knee-deep in a recession…dwindling retirement accounts…cut wages and hours…the list seems endless.

Perhaps you’re one of the many people out of work and facing the fact that your unemployment benefits are about to run out. Or maybe your company has done some layoffs and now you’re responsible for doing the work of three people. Or perhaps you’re doing fine work-wise and financially, but a close family member is facing a terminal disease. All these scenarios drain your energy and sever the connection you have with your soul.

During times of stress, your emotional energy gets zapped. Either you’re continually “fire-fighting” or you’re dealing with other people’s needs. As a result, you get overwhelmed and ignore your own needs. You’re too focused on outside events or other people. That’s when you get stressed, you snap, and you start feeling anxiety. It’s during these times that you need a connection to yourself – to your soul – in order to get through the event unscathed. You need to blaze your own soul so you can rediscover yourself and what you truly want out of life.

Yes, we all want to make a difference in the world – to help and serve others or to contribute to a bigger goal. However, if you’re putting in a lot of hours at work, taking care of a sick relative, or struggling just to survive, you can quickly become resentful and anything you do feels like drudgery. The solution is to keep your spirits up by having a powerful connection to your soul. When you do that, your life will soar.

What is Connecting with Your Soul?

When you connect with your soul, it means you’re taking a time-out from the daily grind. It’s when you just sit and do nothing…when you watch a sunrise…when you meditate…when you read an inspirational message. It’s doing something just for you that connects you to your deep inner self or to nature.

When you’re dealing with all the chaos of life, it’s hard to feel any sort of connection with anyone or anything. But once you quiet your mind or get into nature, you can see the beauty of the world around you. Therefore, you need to take the time to do that one thing that puts your mind at rest and recharges your spirit. Only then can you truly blaze your own soul.

While it is difficult to stay positive and take time out for yourself when you’re being slammed with 100 problems a day, you simply must do it. Here are a few suggestions to help you.

• Make personal time a priority in your life.

It may sound cliché, but it’s so true: If you don’t help yourself, you can’t help other people. No matter what you’re going through – no matter how many obligations you’re responsible for or how few hours you feel you have – you must take some time for yourself each and every day. Realize that time for yourself doesn’t have to mean a five-hour block of time (although wouldn’t that be nice?). Simply giving yourself 10 minutes to meditate or five minutes to sit still and quiet your mind will yield tremendous benefits. And once you realize how much better you feel with just a few minutes a day, you’ll likely try to give yourself more and more time.

To make sure you take this time each day, actually schedule it in your day planner. Since this time is just as important as any other appointment or task you have for the day, it belongs in writing in your calendar. Also, think of this time slot as immovable. It’s more important than your most pressing client meeting or your most critical daily task. Don’t relinquish this time to anyone or anything – not your boss, not the kids, not your partner, not your current project deadline. It’s your time and yours alone.

• Do one thing every day that puts you in touch with your soul.

What do you truly enjoy doing? What makes your soul feel happy and content? Unfortunately, many people are unable to answer those questions. They’ve been out of touch with themselves for so long that they honestly can’t remember what they enjoy doing or what makes them feel at peace. What a shame.

In order to remember what you enjoy, you need to spend some time in quiet contemplation. Listen to the little voice in the back of your mind and be aware of the feelings you’re experiencing. Think about your likes and dislikes in general. Do you crave adventure? Is quiet solitude what you really yearn for? Are you a physical person? Or does intellect stimulate you more? Whatever you gravitate toward, find an activity that satisfies that need, whether it’s journaling, hiking, bicycling, or just watching the waves hit the beach. Discover what stirs your soul and do one thing each day that enhances that feeling.

• Spend time in nature.

Even if you’re not a nature person per say, spending time in nature will help you reconnect with who you are. Spending time in nature does not mean you have to go into the deep woods and live off the land; it simply means to take some time to appreciate the natural world around you.

If you live in a rural environment, getting out in nature is relatively simple. Sitting on your back porch and looking at the scenery can do wonders for your soul. But even if you live in a bustling city, you can still find a small park, a patch of grass, or even some birds or squirrels to help you connect with nature. Simply admire the natural surroundings for what they are, without judgment. Let the simplicity and beauty of nature envelop you. The natural world can invoke a sense of serenity which often enables people to reconnect with who they are.

Become a Soul Blazer

When you blaze your own soul, you release the negativity from your life and gain a sense of peace and tranquility. You get to the core of who you are and what makes you happy, and you commit to being true to yourself and your needs. When you reconnect with your soul and give yourself permission to be who you really are, the external events you are dealing with will no longer drain your emotional or physical energy. You’ll have the wherewithal to face any situation…and do so triumphantly.

www.Huffingtonpost.com

3/4/2010 4:09:09 PM

Are You Morally Obligated to Donate to Haiti?

Are You Morally Obligated to Donate to Haiti?

By Lisa Haisha

Even though the media’s attention has shifted from the devastation of Haiti to other events, the people of Haiti still need help – and they will for many years. No country can suffer the destruction of their infrastructure and be back to “business as usual” in mere months. Unfortunately, the concept of “out of sight, out of mind,” is too true. And when the media’s focus shifts, so does the public’s.

Because the pressure to donate to Haiti has subsided, does that mean all donations and acts of help should cease? Or, as Americans, are we morally obligated to continue donating to Haiti?

While no one has a moral obligation to donate anything to anyone, the fact is that we are all connected, regardless of where we live. If we’re not there for each other and don’t have each other’s back, then we’re worse off as a whole. So even though we’re not morally obligated to donate to Haiti, we all need to do what we can to help others in their time of need. After all, if the tables were turned and your city suffered complete destruction, you’d want help too.

Granted, in today’s economy it’s difficult for people to even think about donating to another cause, especially something that’s not close to home. But if everyone thought that way, where would we be? How much worse would the world be? How much more suffering would needlessly take place?

Go From “Me” to “We”

Have you ever noticed that when you’re so focused on yourself you don’t solve your problems? However, if you offer your time, assistance, or focus to others your problems seem to resolve easier. That is, when you’re constantly thinking “me, me, me” you don’t get as much done or get the results you want. But you do get results when you take the focus away from you and help someone else. Somehow, whatever you’re working on comes to completion or you get clarity. That’s why continuing to focus on Haiti is so important.

“But wait a minute,” some people may say. “We have people right here in our own country who need help. Why should I help the Haitians when my neighbors need help?” If you’ve caught yourself thinking this, remember that love has no borders. We’re all one. When the United States experienced the horrific attack of 9/11, other countries came to our aid. Just because there’s a border doesn’t mean you don’t help people or that they’re not important. Everyone is important, whether they live within our border or not.

So yes, we should help everyone – our neighbors included. We’re better off when we all co-exist. And if each country only helped their own citizens, there would be a lot of resentment in the world – much more than there is today. And even though many Americans are struggling in today’s economy, we are still the richest country and have a lot to be grateful for.

Embrace the Differences

Still, some people may choose not to donate to Haiti because they harbor some resentment or prejudice toward the Haitians. They may even believe the comment made by Pat Robertson that “a religious failing on the part of the Haitians didn’t just cause this earthquake but also the numerous other disasters that have befallen the nation over the years.”

First, let’s set the record straight: 96% of the people of Haiti are Christian (with 80% Catholic and 16% Protestant). Per capita, that’s more than the United States, which comes it at less than 77% Christian. So saying you can’t help Haiti because they are not Christian is foolish nonsense.

Additionally, is turning your back on someone in need really a Christian principle? All religions profess to be about love and helping others, so it’s time to wake up. Part of the problem with today’s world stems from the mentality that we should only help our own kind – those of our own race, religion, nationality, etc. If we could get rid of this thinking once and for all, much conflict would end and the world would be a better place.

Finally, if an alien came down to our planet and asked, “Who are you?” we’d all say, “We’re human beings on planet Earth.” When it comes down to it, we’re all the same. So in terms of helping others, a person’s skin color, religious beliefs, or citizenship shouldn’t matter. If you believe it does, then you need to get out more, open your heart, and look inside yourself to uncover what aspect of yourself you dislike so much that you’re projecting it on other people.

A Small Act with Big Rewards

Ultimately, no one is asking you to give your entire life savings to others. If everyone would donate just a few dollars a month to the relief efforts, it would add up quickly and do a lot of good. And really, donating a few dollars here and there is so easy compared to being on the frontline, removing rubble, rebuilding infrastructure, and providing medical care. Donating money is such a small act, yet it can do so much for those in need.

So think about it…in one month, could you go just one day without a fancy coffee drink? Or could you brown bag your lunch just once? Or could you not rent or download just one movie? If you forego one small luxury once a month and donate that money instead, you could make a world of difference.

Remember, the more you focus just on yourself, the more difficult life seems to be. Yet the more you reach out and help others, the happier people seem. So are you morally obligated to donate to Haiti? No. But there is a human obligation to help those in need.

Embrace your humanity; do your part today.

www.Huffingtonpost.com

3/4/2010 4:08:11 PM