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Sometimes it’s good to be angry! As a therapist I find myself often helping people to deal with their anger. They either hide it deep within themselves because they’re afraid of what might happen if they express it, or how they will be judge for being angry, and sometimes they have a never ending supply of it that seems to take them over and they are consumed by it. For me, anger has been a good thing. Like any emotion, anger is meant to be felt, processed, and released. Anger as an emotion isn’t a pure emotion. It’s often there as a mask for something deeper that we are refusing to deal with. For me, the anger I felt in my life was rooted in the feeling of not being good enough. There were lots of reasons for this and we can go into those at another time but suffice to say I was wracked with feelings about being less then and unlovable. On the outside I was “chipper” and happy but on the inside I was angry and hurt. As a way to diffuse this anger I started taking contrary action. In other words, when the anger started showing itself as depression and I had the urge to isolate and hide in my room I did the opposite and forced myself to engage with people as lovingly as possible. My anger generally shows up as self-criticism. It manifests as those nasty critical voices in my head that say all kinds of unloving and hurtful things about myself and those who are around me. When that comes into my awareness I now play a verbal “game” with those voices. I use that energy, anger is extremely powerful and I start saying things that are the opposite of how I’m feeling. It’s verbal contrary action. For instance, I was driving recently and having all kinds of thought about my abilities as an advocate for healing. My Critical Mind was out of control telling me all kinds of things. So, I started saying the opposite of what I was hearing and using the passion that the angry part of me was putting out there to affirm my truth. You can guess what the opposite thoughts were. I responded to those negative thoughts by yelling as loud as I could like a Southern Baptist preacher in my little yellow car, “I love you! I think you’re fantastic. I am such an important part of this world with an amazing message to share! I am strong. People do listen to me and respect me. I am enough exactly as I am. What I say and the message I’m sharing effects people’s lives profoundly even more then I could ever understand. I am the catalyst for change and the more I love myself the more others can love themselves. I am talented. I deserve to be loved! I am loved. I am worthy of love. Thank you!” So, the next time you find yourself being angry about something see if you can recognize what the anger is really about and start to channel that amazing energy into creating the change that you want. Often within our anger is buried our life purpose and passion so pay attention to it (but that’s a whole other blog). Use that anger to change your world and the world itself will respond.
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